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This is my life over the last year! I am also stubborn, as I have mentioned before. Moms across the country mobilized their families, their friends, and their communities to vote, overcoming many obstacles to voting during a pandemic and resulting in historic voter turnout this year. Besides medication, what else worked best in helping you recover? Today my mom had a nervous break down, out of no where. and learned that they were “barely getting by.” I could have written this myself: “I had no idea. I have been through batteries of health tests, and they have found some things… a touch of iron deficiency, low oxygen levels, sleep disturbances–but nothing severe enough to explain how tired and inefficient I am. 2 […] As promised, I continue here the list of questions for my prospective nanny – and the reasons for every question. The whole idea that this was normal, even expected, behavior. No wonder many of them are regularly breaking down in tears. My mother is 49 years old and she had a minor heart attack about 4 … Jane is losing her mind. Thank you for sharing. Of course, I wonder if what he did has anything to do with this recent breakdown. Our family was part of a relatively new tribe, one that sociologists call “dual-earner, multiple-child, middle-class families.” In layperson’s terms, we had kids and we both worked. I know you from your professional life, and see you as an incredible, smart, successful, kick a#$ woman who managed to do it all, never lose your composure (and you always looked terrific in your Anthropologie outfits, to boot!). “Honey,” I said. On Tuesday, I was at home on my couch weeping, incapacitated. I struggle, first of all, to feel that I’m a valuable person when I don’t have work. While I haven’t had a breakdown like yours, I’ve had similar experiences prior to having children and I find that now that I’m trying to balance having a 2 year old with having a freelance/part-time schedule, I struggle. No surgery. The term was frequently used in the past to cover a variety of mental disorders, but it's no longer used by mental health professionals today. Working moms on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Btw, I was a stay at home mom for 5 years. Favourite answer. If indeed you’re having a nervous breakdown you’ll be aware of the following. The reality of being a working mom. I wondered If this was going to be permanent, or was this a heart-attack? The phone rang regularly with invitations to parties and dinners and plays. I didn't say this, but a couple of months ago I actually felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. There was only one person I wanted to talk to in that moment. I’ve been meaning to post a video blog about moms and work, since I find its yet another contentious topic that comes up among other mothers. I also felt the torment of the hives during my panic episodes… not fun. I felt that this was very un-thorough and I have yet to make a new appointment. I have rarely encountered a woman with children who wants to work all the time or who doesn’t want to work at all. I googled “What does a nervous breakdown feel like” and your link was several down the list, after all the ridiculous advertisements and ad-blogs that are nothing more than a place to hide links to drug companies. Does it seem that’s what most women want? After a couple of days, I couldn’t take it anymore. The toll that this takes on us is not to be underestimated. By Katrina Alcorn. I need to return to work desperately for financial reasons. I was so paranoid over something that I didn’t even know of. But I’m not like you. A nervous breakdown at work is nothing to take lightly. Katrina- I could also hear his tiredness. Her father was seriously ill and her mother was not coping at all well. Well I guess technically I did, but that would put my job in jeopardy. I first thought that they were from driving (my boyfriend drove, and I was the passenger) for six hours in the heavy holiday traffic from northern California down. Helping Your Mother Enter Treatment I’m fortunate. What they didn’t realise was Lindsey’s home life was falling apart. I feel like I want to get in the car and just drive away to anywhere…and I want to pick a fight with my husband – who by the way is juggling the same thing I am – bus schedules, play dates, activities for the kids and a full-time job. In any case, with regards to your question: “how long does it take to get over a nervous breakdown”, each of these factors influences when and … Most women, she noted, suffered alone. The day I had my working mum nervous breakdown. That’s inspiring to hear. I needed this encouragement so much. ... An online survey by Working Mother Magazine found that a whopping 91 percent of working moms who took the survey had experienced depression. A truck rumbled down the frontage road, piled high with stacks of cardboard held together with twine. It feels like I’m trying to wear shoes that are one size too small. The day I had my working mom nervous breakdown. Although it is an absorbing, can’t-put-it-down kind of a book, her breakdown—harrowing as it was—struck me as ordinary. I think maybe I have had episodes of a breakdown during which time I would abuse prescription drugs and alcohol while still functioning as a normal human being (at least on the outside). I didn’t actually feel normal. AUGH!!!! Management seemed to be tired of maternity leave after maternity leave, as I was the 4th or 5th worker to take it within the last 1 1/2 to 2 years. We gotta sleep in it. Please sign in to contribute to the Mamamia Community. That job was certainly not easy and I worked my butt off then, too. And moms that don’t work often say things like “I’m so glad I get to spend this precious time with her/him.” Just seems to me like everyone’s trying to justify their position and there’s very little actual talk that goes on about what we, as mothers, WANT. For instance nothing about my life is balanced, I had four babies under the age of two, right? I lost my mom at 30 and my dad 10 years later. Directed by Gary Halvorson. Recently I did a radio interview about working moms and talked about why I stopped working. Maybe that our problems reach deeper then we think? Everything was wrong. That’s what coffee is for. I go there and give it my all and feel successful. Yesterday my mother was admitted into the hospital for what is apparently a severe case of depression. It’s just not something that we talk about. And there’s no chance of rest during the day with a 4yr old also. Jane is losing her mind. Thank you for sharing all the comments here; knowing others are experiencing the same things I am helps so much. They are suffering alone. I also feel that I can’t tell my friends how hard this really is as they may see me as flawed since it appears so many other mothers do “everything.” I have stood in my kitchen and wondered why I was here and how did I get in this mess and then go on because I have to. I had my husband call HR to let them know the situation, and I texted my subbordinates…but I never called the VP or CEO. I also left my job to pursue my education. I’ll address this in a future blog post. Career, house, husband, baby, dog, car, family…and none if it feels “right”. It’s was very helpful for me to sort out where to begin to untangle this mess of mine. Seriously considering leaving my job before I have a nervous breakdown! Then my last parent died. I’m hoping to can share with me your secrets for recovery from your nervous breakdown as I obviously have that right now. Plus, I’m afraid to ask for any time off to do that. I couldn’t stand noise—including the sound of the car radio on low, or my children splashing contentedly in the bath. As I have come to learn more and more about these mental conditions, I have been coming across blogs such as this. Working Moms Break. Thank you for writing this blog post. I love my son, but sometimes I don’t want to be a mom, like this is not what I signed up for. I don’t know I’m still trying to figure it out. Now that Brian’s project was over, we wanted to celebrate the return to normal life. The party was wrong. As for support, I do not have much besides my boyfriend, who does his best, but I still do not understand why he can’t decide on getting married. Get smart with the Thesis WordPress Theme from DIYthemes. that they plainly don’t know about. And it’s funny because my pride won’t even let people help me out sometimes. He tells me that everyone has stress and it shouldn’t be an excuse not to work and that essentially I have to work. Katrina Alcorn, mum of 3 and author of Maxed Out: American Moms on the Brink, believes that many working mums are hanging on by a thread. I didn’t want to see anyone, not even our friends. Like so many members of this massive and growing tribe (which now numbers a little under half of all households with children), our weekdays were devoted to work and basic kid care, while our weekends revolved around the time-honored ritual known as Getting Shit Done. Nervous exhaustion. I don’t know why I can’t handle myself. I was reluctant to raise this directly with Jane. I am so happy I stumbled across this blog. (Part IV. I didn’t take the time to read the comments, because I have no time. I am only 27 years old. Whether you feel on the brink of having one or have already experienced it, knowing the signs (panic attacks, depressive symptoms, mood swings, and insomnia to name a few) is crucial. I heard a familiar sound in my head, the electric drone of cicadas. I feel as if I am never caught up and if I take a break, I will only get further behind. How can you be a good mom or a good anything if you aren’t oiled and tuned to full functional capacity? The reason I am writing, and I’ve never done this before, is that after reading your story about your breakdown and reading all these responses, some of which are heartbreaking, I can tell you I SO very much identify with everything that is shared here. In the past month I have screamed and cried quite a few times that I just can’t go on like this anymore. Thanks. The black leather steering wheel grew sticky under my sweaty grip. After I had my first child, I took a 4 month maternity leave and returned to work part-time. By undermining their severity, they can develop into a nervous breakdown. It all started to come to a head when I left a nice quiet stable job and entered the videogame industry in 2007. I felt that I couldn’t catch my breath. Or email me privately: katrina@workingmomsbreak.com. “It’s over,” he said again. I am 25 and I have a 2-year-old daughter. I began to feel that “vomit” feeling you talked about when thinking about getting up for work, then nerves and panic, then hives that covered my whole body. One day, last month, I was driving my kids to the aquarium and had a severe panic attack on the highway. To talk openly and frankly about a personal problem feels like either feels like whining (which you posted about) or like confessing (and confessing means that we feel guilty…). I watched a crow the size of a large cat alight on a telephone wire. With a million people listening. Meanwhile, Bonnie teaches her grandson Roscoe to gamble. I sincerely hope your situation … to do it all and I also find it difficult to not only NOT ask for help, but to actually refuse it when offered! New parents and working parents sure have a lot of tough yet rewarding life adjustments to make. I am utterly and completely exhausted beyond belief, and I feel guilty when I leave work “early” to pick up my child at daycare. (It’s almost parallel to Nursing). Will likelpy be back to get more. November 29th, 2008 at 1:00 am. But I’ve realized that if I’m going to talk about what happened to me at all, I should be more specific. Pretending you can do it all on your own (including my cousin Logan who had TWO sets of TWINS within TWO YEARS–yikes!). There are many various anxiety disorders or even just isolated panic episodes that would look like a "nervous breakdown". My 13 year old dogs are loving and old and almost totally incontinent. a signal. I feel like I am expected (by whom?) I wanted off. Adrenaline shot through my body like an electric jolt. I was extremely scared out of my mind, and I thought that I was going insane. Available from Seal Press, a member of the Perseus Books Group. A woman colleague mentioned to me that she didn’t realize that I had children until knowing me for over a year. My short answer is that I have been able to carve a niche for myself, working part time from home as a web consultant and I’ve never been happier, but it certainly came with trade offs. I am just floating in a sea of unknown. If I couldn’t talk myself out of these feelings, then something must be going on physically. Agreed. In The Feminine Mystique, (1963) Betty Friedan described the “problem that has no name,” the profound unhappiness, depression, fatigue, and lack of meaning many women suffered while they were supposedly living the American Dream. I did not get strung out on heroin, walk around downtown Berkeley yelling at garbage cans, or act outwardly crazy in any way. It was very validating to hear that other women, including you, have also gone through this, and I hope your blog can start something that can somehow, someday bring about change in the world of the working American mom. There’s a thread here in the comments about going it alone. Then talk to people for ideas - coworkers, manager, other staff in your branch, division, etc. I could not breathe well. I never went back to work. Answer Save. Is that really how it’s supposed to be? Katrina–I posted under the Warning Bells post about my experience, but in brief: I used to work 60 hours/week freelance, and did not even take maternity leave during labor or on the birth days of my children. That was was over a year ago and I’m still not really over it. There’s an age-old quote that says “your illness does not define you; your strength and courage does.” I like to believe that in my case of overcoming a nervous breakdown in December 2016. I didn’t blame anyone. I go from not wanting the kids, to not wanting the job, especially not wanting the husband to just leaving it all behind. Relevance. “No person is an island” – I’ve always believed – but man it is really tough feeling the love the way things are right now. I felt and still feel a great sense of relief. She wasn’t married yet but said she could understand why I would omit references to family in the work setting. I can only take a little credit, she is just naturally brilliant. I’d like to say that I was strong and quit on my own, but really, I am just too scared! I had just dropped off our junk electronics at the eco recycling place. I know that I do a good job, and I essentially love what I do and am very fond of my co-workers, so I tell myself I need to learn to “deal with it.”. Working moms on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I feel like I am shouting out “this isn’t going to continue working; I simply can’t do this,” and people nod and maybe laugh and then call to see if I want to do a swap. (actually they weren’t.) It is important that you and your family try and work with her doctors to find out more about what they think contributed to her breakdown and how you can help her take her medication… OMG!!! Perhaps this is true for some moms, like some sort of natural instinct, but even instincts can hurt you, especially when out of control. Like me, they all assumed there was something wrong with them.”. It is a form of therapy to share with others, especially with these circumstances. This presidential race has become, … So pretty much the same situation I was in working full time, except with less money, and the knowledge that I am a massive failure at both work and at home. I’ve got some reading – and sharing – to do. I work 40 hours a week and add about 5 hours to that for commute time. I literally pushed myself to a point where my nervous system stopped working the way it’s supposed to. I was embarrassed. Like all you have to do is go to yoga and then your problems are easy. I wasn’t angry with anyone. I am glad that you found your calling! Plenty of us have a lot on our plates at home and work as well, and the kids with school, making sure that they get all of their assignments done on time can be a bit of a drain, to say the least. I promise to do some stories that are a little more uplifting than this one. Thank you. I also have a very loving and supportive, hard-working husband and some very wonderful close friends and a large, caring extensive family, but I still felt guilty for needing help! Twitter: @kalcorn And even though Brian could take that statement a million different ways, he immediately knew what I meant. Hi Katrina! Part-time, flexible work – don’t believe the hype! I mean I loved my job and the people I worked with, but after talking with my boss almost on a daily basis he knew the old me was gone, told me I needed help, that I was stressing over nothing. I really think that may be at the crux of the problem. Please ignore it! So what do you do? I really value this blog. Youu managed to hit the nail upon the top and defined ouut I was embarrassed. Had those, too. 1836: Had a total nervous breakdown and was in bed for six months. She would suggest that I was spending too much time picking up the kids and why couldn’t my wife do it? I’m happier being at home and happy that we can financially swing that, but there is definitely a different kind of crazy that being home with small children can bring on, and I’m learning about that too. We all appreciate it! Christy goes on her first date since she stopped drinking. Leave a comment at the end of this blog post. The thing I’d been dreading was happening now. Thank you to a friend who passed this along – and to you for writing. I am dangerously close to the edge. This feeling will pass and you’ll still be here. At some point I had silently come to the conclusion it was too much effort to have friends. She had horrible colick, reflux and a hernia. But still. stories, We have been together for almost five years now. Likewise with just about every issue involving children and families. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! Pretending you don’t have kids when you’re at work (Irwin, Lily). “I can’t do this anymore,” I said, my voice cracking. by Katrina on March 24, 2010. I wasn’t working 100% time when I had my first child, but I could afford not to be 100% financially. Have you ever felt that the pressures of parenting and working at the same time are too much? I am on anxiety medications but I think this build up is too much for even my medication to bear. 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